Friday, February 6, 2015

Hallmark Needs another Do Over

Another wonderful evening of sappy Hallmark love movies, or so I thought.

I sat down to watch I Do I Do I Do which is a knock-off combination of Groundhog Day and 50 First Dates.

I had just come home from a catered event, just fresh from having an argument discussion with the catering manager over whether it was appropriate for me to use my fingers to serve myself some food.  Despite forgetting to put out napkins, plates and silverware, he RUSHED right over when he saw the finger trick and insisted I use the gluten-infested tongs instead.  When I asked for silverware or a clean spoon, he insisted I use what was there.

I said, "I'm just going to use my fingers, very carefully, thank you."

He said, "That is OK if you have washed your hands and haven't blown your nose."

It's not like I just pulled my hand out of my butt right before getting in line.  I had been eating all day with same hands and hadn't gotten sick, yet I was required to use a utensil that would have made me get sick for a couple of days.  After that kerfluffle, someone rushed in with all the necessary utensils.

Sooo......I thought the Hallmark movie was going to be a bit more relaxing.  Then they started in with the gluten comments.  In this movie, the main character gets to do a "do over" of her wedding day, presumably until she gets it right.  And a bunch of the "do over" days included stabs at gluten-free food, including the wedding cake.  She gets to do the day over and over until she realizes that the man she marries every day and that gluten-free lemon cake aren't right for her.  Somehow, this new gluten-eating behavior is supposed to make her more spontaneous and free.

Yep, this is Hallmark's version of a "do over" and it looks like they will be headed for another day, since they still don't get it.  Awhile back, Hallmark was blasted for its insensitive greeting card mocking gluten-free.  Whoops!  They did it again.

But gee, I would like a "do over" too.  Wouldn't it be nice to wake up one morning and be able to eat anything I want?  To not have to rush to the front of the buffet line before everything gets contaminated, and the people brush all the condiment utensils on their buns?  Or, be able to walk out the door in the morning, not having to take all this food, and just be able to go out to a store or a coffee shop if I want to.  Unfortunately, when I wake up tomorrow, I will still have to avoid gluten, and have to deal with the gluten-haters.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Nine months later, and still no Baby

Today marks the 9-month anniversary of the blood-draw that led to my diagnosis of celiac "disease".

It has been a wild ride, but has seemed to settle down during the last couple of weeks.  I have learned alot, healed alot more, and also came to more insights.

Here's a few tidbits and insights:

1.  I am (was?) not very much low carb.  I didn't worry all that much about what I ate during this transition.  I felt I had enough to worry about with potlucks, finding out what I could eat, and trying to not get contaminated, than to worry about other things.  The result was that I gained back all the weight I lost.  I hate the idea that I seem to be one of those people who cannot lose weight without constant starvation.  Oh well, guess I'll have to own it.

2.  I finally trained my family.  This was hard, and required constant monitoring during holidays.  I discovered that it is almost not worth it to even try to eat during the holidays, just fire-bomb the kitchen afterwards.  Despite dozens of planning discussions, I still had to swoop down and rescue the butter knife, keep the cookies out of the kitchen, say no, no, a thousand times no to family members who insisted on bringing on all sorts of crap despite hearing constantly, "Just bring plain sour cream,",  "Lets just have plain food," "Just bring plain sour cream," and seemingly-endless phone conversations where they read off the list of ingredients for the fake sour cream-like dips they bought "because they were cheap", instead of buying plain sour cream.

3.  I chugged a carton of milk.  I was milk-intolerant.  How did this happen?  I haven't been able to drink milk since I was a little kid.

4.  Potlucks suck, but things are good if there is hot coffee and real cream.  Coffee is my go-to food at potlucks, since I tend to get something contaminated at potlucks and restaurants, even when I am very careful.  I quit being careful at restaurants, not worth the hassle dealing with the questions, the rolling eyes, and the contamination.  I can usually drink the coffee, and I drink lots of it.  I have found that if you are drinking coffee, especially with cream, people don't notice that you are not eating.

5.  I need to find a new religion.  I first knew I was in trouble when I was chatting (with coffee) with a new attender at a potluck.  She was an up-and-coming healthywholegrains dietician wanna-be who insisted I try her quinoa salad.  (I also got a lesson about the healthyquinoa, which I thought hilarious, especially after I told her I had been a vegetarian.)  I caved and tried the salad.  I got sick.  Since then, I have not eaten any grain salads at the potlucks, but I have had to endure the animal-rights wing of my religion shame people for eating animal products.  Since I can no longer eat wheat, corn, oats, soy, MSG, most wines and spirits, most beans, and most rice, I really suck as a vegan.  That vegan ship has sailed, and then it sunk.  I am no longer apologetic, despite the public spiritual shaming by my soon-to-be-former religious affiliates.

6.  People hate gluten-free eaters more than they hate low-carbers.  Sad, isn't it?

I'll have more to say later.  Right now, I need to just go back to straight low-carb and hang out with supportive people.