Wheat Permutations

I have had the opportunity this week to sample what regular people are eating out these days.  This is the time of the year for Christmas parties, recognition luncheons, anniversaries, birthdays and other celebrations.  Eating out is the common way.

Our food is starting more and more to resemble variations on Hyperlipid's crap-in-a-bag, but with a variety of extruded shapes, sizes, colorings and flavorings to keep the food reward high and to trick us into thinking we are eating some sort of variety.

Here are some the wheat offerings on the menu recently:

Boiled longish extrusions of ground wheat and water coated with a tomato-based puree.

Boiled spiral extrusions of ground wheat and water coated with a yellowed fat-based emulsion, chopped vegetables and chutney.

Boiled tubular extrusions of ground wheat and water coated with a garlic-based puree.

Boiled tubular, curved extrusions of ground wheat and water coated with an orange casein-based puree.

Boiled longish flat extrusions of ground wheat and water coated with a casein and cream-based puree.

Boiled short, flat extrusions of ground wheat and water served floating in a liquid described as having been made from chicken, but seems to contain no real chicken. 

Ground wheat and water, processed in a way that makes it slightly puffy and chewy, served with a selection of real and/or fake "butters".

Ground wheat and water, processed in a way that makes it slightly puffy and chewy, flattened and covered with an extruded casein product and tomato puree.

Ground wheat and water, processed in a way that makes it slightly puffy and chewy, flattened and covered with a grated casein product.

Ground wheat and water, processed in a way that makes it slightly puffy and chewy, then diced and served with celery, sage and more chickenless chicken liquid.

Ground wheat and water, processed in a way that makes it slightly puffy, crunchy and chewy, then diced and served with lettuce, a grated casein product and anchovies.

Ground wheat and water, processed in a way that makes it slightly puffy, crunchy and chewy, then diced and served with spinach, red onions and apple.

Ground wheat and water, processed in a way that makes it slightly puffy, crunchy and chewy, then diced and served with baby greens, pecans and pear.

Ground wheat and water, processed in a way that makes it slightly puffy and chewy, then mixed with high fructose corn syrup and artificial blueberry pieces.

Ground wheat and water, processed in a way that makes it slightly crunchy and chewy, then mixed with high fructose corn syrup and bits of chocolate.

Ground wheat and water, processed in a way that makes it crunchy, then mixed with high fructose corn syrup and shaped into a Christmas tree, sprinkled with red sugar and white icing.

Ground wheat and water, mixed with oatmeal and processed in a way that makes it slightly crunchy and chewy, then spread over a mixture of fruit and fruit-like bits and high fructose corn syrup.

Ground wheat and water, processed in a way that makes it slightly crunchy and chewy, then served under an extrusion of frozen fermented casein emulsion mixed with high fructose corn syrup and flavorings.

Nom nom nom.   (Just kidding.  And I really hate that word nom and the people who invented it.)

Next up:  Gaines burgers.