Friday, April 25, 2014

Meeting my Acquaintance

One of the advantages of going completely gluten-free is that I have more energy.  That is, more energy to be snarky ----------- or angry --------------or ranty.

Yesterday I was whiny.  I am already obsessing about what will go down during the next big holiday.  'Course, in order to make everything all better, I talked to MOM for a long long time over several days.  Mom was so great, having gone through severe bouts of autoimmune disease herself.  I spend a good part of my early youth shuttling around to different people's spare rooms while she was in the hospital for lupus, or whatever else they thought she had that day.  So, she has developed this really cool attitude about chronic debilitating illnesses and such.

She said it would be absolutely no problem, since she regularly cooks for other family members with such severe allergies that they routinely land in the hospital.  (Not from HER cooking.)  She is skilled in keeping the wrong foods out of the wrong hands.  But I am really fretting about another relative who does much of the cooking for our big family gatherings.  Her life is filled with 20 kinds of pasta and bread boards, and cakes, and hundreds of gluten-infested baking containers.  She carries a cloud of flour around her like Linus.  If she had an "In Case of Emergency, Break Glass" box for her life, behind the glass would be a box of cake mix.

I imagine my kitchen littered with drying bread-crumbs, flour from the cinnamon rolls and muffins and pumpkin pies strewn about.  I see her moving from dish to tasty dish, her various fingers and utensils stuck into every one.  Now I know why I have been getting so sick every Thanksgiving.  It is from the stuffing, made with half corn bread and half whole wheat, and somehow drenched in Campbell's cream of mushroom soup in a way that no one else has ever been able to duplicate.  And from the mashed potatoes with real milk, drenched in giblet gravy with even more flour.

How can I tell her that we have to do it differently this time?

I was supposed to get together with relatives over the Easter holiday, but I just didn't have the energy to do it, but truth be told, I wasn't looking forward to the food confrontations either.  Initially I had hoped to find an ally, or at least get some good help from someone who can read Hyperlipid like its the back of cereal box.  But that was not going to happen. 

How can I tell her that the diet that she detests so much is the only thing I can eat?

After missing the big Easter gathering, I checked her facebook page for posts and pictures from other attendees.  What I found instead was a link to that awful paleo fantasy book interview, and a couple of snarky comments.  (OK, guess snark runs in the family along with several copies of HLA-DQ2.)  The poster could actually read and understand Hyperlipid as well, but won't.

I don't know why, but seeing this post upset me so much.  I whined.  I cried.  My husband told me to get a life.  I thought I might have to unfriend her, or at least leave another snarky comment before I cut the cord.  But I couldn't unfriend the family chef!

I acquaintanced her.  And, changed a few settings.

I just hate that Paleo is mandatory.  I just hate Dr. MacDougall.  I just hate Joel Fuhrman.  I hate it all.


  1. Brash, I didn't quite get about 95% of this rant, but it was thoroughly entertaining anyway.

  2. thanks Horf! You mean you haven't been reading and fully comprehending all along? I'm always shocked when people actually click on my pages, much less read them. Hope you will be back soon. Bring all your friends. (BTW, 94 percent of this is just "WHEAT IS POISON!" 1 percent is "PALEO ISN'T A FANTASY!"

  3. It really is a game changer when you HAVE to do the paleo/real food/no grain thing. I'm sure this is a 5-stages of loss type of thing...let's see, you're in the anger stage comes bargaining...then depression, and acceptance! You'll get there. Just let yourself feel however you feel.

  4. Sorry to hear family get-togethers are going to be so difficult for you. It makes me glad to be a loner, though. Non-membership has its benefits.

  5. It is the universal opinion that families are important, but family members do make each other suffer on a regular basis!
    My mom kicked out a good portion of her relatives and told me it was the best thing she did to improve her life besides never remarrying again after became a widow at 51.
    I am sure it should be easy to shut up anyone when you have a medical diagnosis on your hands. Just don't whine, complain or look upset, say firmly and CALMLY that you needs changed and you expect your family to accommodate it like a person with something like a severe peanut allergy would be accommodated. Unfortunately, bulling personality often react on complains and weakness as an encouragement to continue bulling.

  6. I suggest to let her bake at home...bring it in containers that seal and those that like poison can it the stuff. That's what worked for me. Eventually my family all rolled over to GF themselves except my parents. They are both ill. Wonder why? ;)

  7. I agree to a certain extent with Galina....sometimes our families can be the last to understand something. You just have to keep at it and firmly make any changes necessary.

    Wishing you .....

    All the best Jan

  8. lol, its really hard to make Turkey and stuffing and then drive several hundred miles to dinner. I am sure some things can be wrapped up. That is what I do now. I don't have any gluteny thing in the house unless it is double-wrapped.
    Thank you-all for your suggestions and encouragement!