I'm such a loser

The first time this happened, I thought it was an outlier, and like every good researcher, I threw it out.

(Nawwwww!  Just kidding.  Regular readers know I don't throw up out any data points because they don't agree with preconceived notions.)

I was on the phone with sis the other day, talking about Thanksgiving.

"I lost a pound over the weekend, " I crowed.

"I gained your pound and then some.  Guess I'll have to exercise more this week," she lamented.  "It was all the stuffing....."

And, this is from the skinny one, the one they tried to bulk up all those years.  The one exercising alot and eating a low fat diet because her doc wants her to lower her cholesterol.  At around 220 total, she is teetering on the edge of severe heart disease or stroke.  Or so he sez.

This happened at the last holiday we shared.  I lost a couple of pounds.  She gained four.

Oh, I ate the stuffing alright.  And a sliver of pie.  And some potatoes.  Then I got busy with the dishes and pouring more wine and forgot to have seconds.

"I'm stuffed!" the guests declared as they pushed themselves from the table.  And I thought to myself,

"Hey, I am not stuffed."

And the next day we went back to a regular fatty breakfast, turkey salad over a bed of greens for lunch, seafood for dinner.

Now here is what else I learned.  Corn chips give me zits and make me achy, especially my big toes.  And it isn't about the salt, because the next day I can eat a dozen green olives and have no problem with my joints.  Pumpkin pie made from my own real home-grown pumpkins is better than when it is made with pumpkin pie filling from a can.  And if you bury a turkey carcass in the garden, the gophers stay away.

Daily Mail

Schizophrenic fer sure.  (At least the popular definition.)

Yesterday's mail included a welcome dearth of political ads, and an extremely early edition of my favorite porn mag, the High Mowing Seeds 2013 catalog.  Ahhhh, food heaven!

I also got a fat letter from the Department of Agriculture.  Thinking......hmm, I didn't apply for a job there, did I?  Fat envelope would then be OK, right?  Did I get back on the organic junque mail list?  Perhaps they discovered my stance on prop 37 GMO labeling and they invited me to be on a steering committee to evaluate the initiative in preparation for implementation after it wins next year?

Turns out that a citrus pest has been discovered in my neighborhood and shortly, white-suited and masked exterminators will be "visiting" my backyard to spray quick-kill neurotoxins and endocrine-disruptors on my fruit trees, and then follow up with a known contributor to colony collapse disorder that will effectively poison the surrounding soil and bio-food-web for about 3 years.

Yes, there is going to be a meeting, but not for approval, of course, since they already seem to have obtained the authority to enter my backyard without my permission.  And, it sucks that I have spent lots of time and energy de-disrupting all my endocrines, especially getting rid of all those pesky estrogen-mimicing compounds that they are now going to spray back into my life, and with repeat applications if necessary.  (And, it WILL be necessary, since the horse already got out of the barn.....)

More food fascism, though I am conflicted.  I would like to save and/or rescue local agriculture, even though the authorities won't let me do much local agriculture in my backyard, and now, NO organic agriculture, at least in the vicinity of the fruit trees, and anything downwind or downstream from them.

But Jeez Louise, what about the bees? I don't see how mass-spraying of entire towns will help local agriculture, if the spraying greatly contributes to the collapse of the bee community that the agriculture depends on.  Then again, what if this nasty neurotoxin stuff works against the bagrada bug????

And, it sucks that I am prevented from taking a propagative cutting of basket rush from a local pond per EPA regulations, and yet the department of Agriculture can run around and spray stuff that is extremely toxic to aquatic life all around said pond?

A few years ago, when I read my big permaculture book, I got a bit overwhelmed, until the author said to just start small, so I picked just one square yard to focus my initial permaculture effort, and, unfortunately, that one square yard is right under the lemon tree, and that culture is about to be destroyed.

In a fit of hope, I Googled "pyrethroid bagrada" and came up with absolutely no matches.  I don't know what the word for it is, that thing that they call it when you search two keywords on Google and come up with no matches.  It is rare, and I would Google the term if I knew the name.  Anyway, where was I?  Oh yea, looks like I am sol on the bagrada situation.

One bright spot is that High Mowing has several new varieties of parthenocarpic squash.  That's the fancy name for squash plants that produce decent squash without the need for pollination, which I won't be getting as much since the department of agriculture is killing the bees.

P. S. Turns out I am a Googlewhacker.  And for your weekend entertainment, check out this charming paper.

Pining for Bacon

I stopped by Trader Joe's today, and after enjoying a small cup of artercloggingsaturatedfat half and half with a homeopathic amount of coffee, I went to the meat aisle to pick up a package of bacon ends.

My clerk was friendly, but she eyed the bacon a little too long, and a little too lovingly.  I grabbed the air with ALL my fingers, spelling out the universal symbol for BACON.  Gimme gimme gimme!!

"I hope you aren't a vegetarian!" I pleaded as I started to feel I had gone a little too far on the sign-language thing.  She continued to stare at the bacon as I swooshed it out of her hand and into my shopping bag, and I knew her mind was far far away, back to the place where she used to eat it.

"I don't eat bacon or any red meat," she sighed as I looked sympathetic, "but I do eat chicken and turkey only.  I really miss bacon."

"Well, I was a vegetarian for 26 years, so I know how you feel!!  I eat bacon all the time now."

"Can I ask why?"

"Sure, I started eating a paleo diet.  I ditched the grains and added the bacon.  Can't go without my bacon."  I didn't go into all the details about losing weight and improving my health, yada yada yada, because an impatient man was in the line behind me.  She'll have to look up paleo on her own.

I think I'll go back tomorrow and get a pound of butter, just to mess with her.

Now exactly, where does Health Start?

After my letter to Whole Foods the other day (and oh, they never wrote back....) I got ahold of an interesting flyer from Whole Foods.  It's called the whole deal.  Just so you know, this whole deal thing is trademarked, just like their vegan propaganda health program they call Health Starts Here.

Then again, it is pretty difficult to tell exactly where health starts from the flyer.  There is a chicken on the front cover, and hints of more animal things to come, with a container of chicken broth right next to the chicken and a stream of text at the bottom announcing that chicken is on sale too.

I open the flyer, and on the inside cover is a plate o' shrimp.  And so I am thinking, OK, plate o' shrimp, guess they are in on the joke, but then there were lots of animaly things in the flyer, including goat cheese in nearly about every recipe, except of course the recipes with the health starts here logo near them, cause they are vegan.

It didn't seem like health really started until about page 12, where the grainy foods and the tea were featured and the foods featuring flesh or animal secretions fell away.  This was several pages after the coupon for the artercloggingsaturatedfat coconut oil that they call "health supportive".

So what is up with that?  Does health really start here, after all the ads supposedly sponsored by all those evil meat, milk companies, and other profitable conglomerates Dr. MacDougall has declared war against?  Does health start with plain vegan and then settles into just plain coconut oil right out of the jar after a few months?

Maybe Whole Foods isn't as hostile a place as it was over a year ago, the last time I visited.  Maybe I'll give them another chance if I need some tea.

Dear Whole Foods:

Wow, this is an old topic!  Why haven't I posted anything about it yet?  The answer is in my letter:

Dear Whole Foods:

Hey, a bunch of people have been writing about how they want you to change your policy on vegan and/or paleo diets.  Initially I didn't want to say anything because I rarely shop at your store.

But, wait a minute!  I used to.  What happened?  When I moved to California, the first thing I did is find a natural foods store, and my very first grocery trip was to Mrs. Gooch's.  But then we moved, and a Mrs. Gooch's/Whole Foods wasn't nearby and we quit going as much.

Then I switched from a vegetarian diet to Paleo.  The last time I went into a WF was to check out some new Paleo books and grab a package of meat for a road trip.  I was surprised that they had a greatly-reduced book section (no Paleo books here, ma'am), but even more surprised by the wall of vegan books and propaganda that accosted me at the store entry.

All those years as a vegetarian, and I never felt uncomfortable walking into a store, a barbeque, or a meaty eatery.  And now this?

Gee, I just switched from eating 99-cent black beans to eating 10-dollar-a-pound grass-fed meat that I don't buy at your store because your propaganda creeps me out.  This seems like a weird business decision on your part.

Please reconsider.

Sincerely, EB

P.S.  I started driving all that way to WF to get my favorite tea after the local natural foods donated a bunch of $$$$$$ against the NOH8 campaign.  Please don't make me go back.  Then again, there is mail-order.