Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Pining for Bacon

I stopped by Trader Joe's today, and after enjoying a small cup of artercloggingsaturatedfat half and half with a homeopathic amount of coffee, I went to the meat aisle to pick up a package of bacon ends.

My clerk was friendly, but she eyed the bacon a little too long, and a little too lovingly.  I grabbed the air with ALL my fingers, spelling out the universal symbol for BACON.  Gimme gimme gimme!!

"I hope you aren't a vegetarian!" I pleaded as I started to feel I had gone a little too far on the sign-language thing.  She continued to stare at the bacon as I swooshed it out of her hand and into my shopping bag, and I knew her mind was far far away, back to the place where she used to eat it.

"I don't eat bacon or any red meat," she sighed as I looked sympathetic, "but I do eat chicken and turkey only.  I really miss bacon."

"Well, I was a vegetarian for 26 years, so I know how you feel!!  I eat bacon all the time now."

"Can I ask why?"

"Sure, I started eating a paleo diet.  I ditched the grains and added the bacon.  Can't go without my bacon."  I didn't go into all the details about losing weight and improving my health, yada yada yada, because an impatient man was in the line behind me.  She'll have to look up paleo on her own.

I think I'll go back tomorrow and get a pound of butter, just to mess with her.


  1. :-) i love your warped sense of humor!

  2. Oh, just joking. Although I do like their butter, since it tastes like real butter and I can be sure there is no rBST.

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